8 Month Heartbreak

The last time I posted here, Frankie was 4 weeks old...he was a "tiny" baby compared with his lumbering crawling self. There is a little dark spot in his gums where a first tooth is beginning to appear... and he is actually interested in food, if it's the real stuff, as in not mushy but tiny bites of tasty food. It all began with a pretzel, and now he's convinced! This morning we shared an everything bagel with cream cheese at the Book Mill, our loveliest spot. And then, he slept on my chest, something that doesn't happen so much these days. And then, the mama cried. Maybe it's the three-day weekend...maybe the stomach flu from a few days ago...but it does seem that parenting means living in a state of heartache.

I forget it so often, living with such a friendly and loving boy. I forget it in my work, fully engaged with my 2nd and 3rd graders. But, those Monday mornings come hard and fast and tearfully. The world has just handed me a great gift, a full-time teaching job, at the most wonderful school I can imagine. A place where a teacher can be free, where my clown is alive, where we can take the kids to the woods for math. I love my colleagues...so intellectual and wacky... and, this means, a year of full-time work, a year of full-time daycare, many missed moments, many Mondays. I console myself with thoughts of long paid vacations, that helps a little.

I anchor with old friends via phone, I need them nearer... its a drizzly hot spring day. We're home on this Monday, and after Frankie wakes up, I'm taking him to a swimming hole.

xo

Week 4

Longer walks in the woods behind our house become regular outings. When all else fails...when he cannot be soothed to sleep...a walk in fresh cool air is remarkably successful...and great for me too...

We went to our first new mother's group...he slept so sweetly... as he usually does...

Tummy time with Birdy :)

Asleep after his four week visit...Catherine came with us...we all love his pediatrician Dr. Jennifer Roche. He weighed 10.2 lbs and had grown 1.5 inches!

Week 3...

Grandma's boy all snuggled in...

Today (at nearly 2 mo.) I was washing his hair...and it is at least an inch longer than it is here...and still downy...

I remember feeling so amazed at the one and two week birthdays...at three weeks i felt a little afraid he would grow up too fast. Apart from walks in the neighborhood and the woods, we hadn't yet been out. It was a time of napping and finding our way together. We had several visitors and there was an abundance of soups...

Week Two...and Grandma and Opa Visit

Frankie and I don't have too many photos together yet...but i really like this one...

oh how he's grown!

Grandma Love...

On top of Mount Holyoke with Grandma and Opa

Hold his toy from Jon and Kammy

Please forgive my voice here...i've become one of those people...who unconsciously uses an irritating high voice...oh well...if possible, mute the sound when you watch! As I post he is 7 weeks...still fits in those jammies, but his movements are very different...

Frankie's first week

Cozy with his Auntie Marianne... This gown is much tighter on him now...(at 6 weeks)...but still fits...even though his feet dangle out the end...

The series below attempts to capture the cycle of those first days...sleep, yawn, nurse, immediately followed by deep sleep...

Missing here from these first-week photos should be several shots: Catherine bouncing Frankie on a yoga ball while and patting out a rhythm, her magic soothing trick...and Marianne singing "You are my sunshine" in her pregnant belly body, while tearing up...and the last of his underwater-skin peeling away...and the way his face looked like a tiny glowing moon at night, when I was unable to sleep...when I just needed to look at him some more...

A New Life

On the way to meet my boy...

This was around 4pm on September 23rd...

Francis Jonathan Rune Amberg

born at 10:24pm

Mama and Catherine with brand-new Frankie

His Auntie Marianne is there to hold onto...

He weighed 8 pounds and 4 ounces and was 22 inches tall

He had his eyes open, taking in a new world, and then he closed them for a few days...

Tapping and tapping

It is the eve of Mother's Day ... i sit, my cat sleeps next to me ... our always-10-minutes-fast clock ticks, my growing baby taps on my belly. We had thunder, lightning and hail today. It's quiet now, even the upstairs neighbors have stopped their "bowling." There is space here in this place ... for long talks with my mom and sister ... panda licorice ... four loads of laundry ... and smiles every time i feel you, baby, tapping out hello ...